Soldier's Lament: Ruminations on a Pyrrhic Romance
by aoxomoxoa
Summary: Perhaps it was Ashley's staunch belief that the vast expanse of the universe owed her, that made it hurt that much more.  It always begins with the end.   Fem!Shep x Ashley Williams
1. Chapter 1

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

**Titan. 2178 CE**

Her visor was fogging up. Again.

If only she could suppress her uncontrollable hyperventilating.

It's just that Titan was so…incredible. It beat the heck out of the Luna station, and Macapa back on Earth. A small plume of dust circled around her boot as she took that first step.

Ashley Williams beamed. Her first time off an Alliance Frigate. Saturn churned off in the distance, a slumbering majestic giant. If only Dad could see this.

_It's my first big step dad, you'd be so proud of your Ash…_

Oof! She was face first in the muck thanks to a well-placed boot to the ass.

"WILLIAMS! Quit your damn _GOLDBRICKING!_" Goddamn Gunny Ellison. The canada goose squawk of his voice tore at her eardrums.

_God damn you._

Rolling over, Ashley could see his arms were crossed in that _oh-so-disapproving_ manner she had grown so accustomed to seeing. "Stand up now! We have no time to take in the view Williams! If you lollygagged into combat with your head in the goddamned clouds, there'd likely be a bullet in that air-filled head of yours no time flat!"

Ashley stood, needlessly brushing off her legs, only to find the mess was becoming worse. Tittering laughter was slowly coming to a crescendo around her.

"Hahaha check it out…a Williams in a mess, just like Shanxi!" One of the privates began to laugh, and the laughter spread virus-like through the rest of the group.

Ashley positively hated the word Shanxi. It was practically an ethnic slur in the Williams household.

_Keep it together Ash, keep it together. Keep your cool._

But the mirth was persistent. "Really Sir? You sure we really need another Williams in the Alliance? Sure you've got enough white flags? Some battle plan! We could kiss any victory goodbye."

Too late. "Fuck off asshole!" She snapped back; the desire to rip the soldiers a new one mounting.

"WILLIAMS! MARINES! That's enough! Now line up!" Gunny howls. Without a word or sound they comply like dogs in an obedience class; acting on orders. The others are all still giggling. Her only response is to roll her eyes, which only makes the apes laugh harder. _Men...__**boys**__._

Ashley has the distinction of being the only girl in the unit out on Titan. And she was fine with that.

She remembered back home on Amaterasu most girls got wet feet at the enlistment hearing of the decided lack of leave time during training. _ But what about my boyfriend? I'd never get to see him again! _Boo-hooing to the representatives about frivolous things.

Ashley Williams never understood this. You leave the few to serve the many; and Ashley knew that well before she enlisted. She grew up with it.

Her family was the only 'baggage' she had.

Nonetheless she was more than just the only girl in the platoon. She was the only Williams; simultaneously a blessing and a curse.

Sympathy from some, but shit from most.

Her sisters and mother all thought Ashley was insane when she left for basic, but Ashley was doing it for dad and grandpop. She was going to be the one to bring significance back to the Williams name. Her finest hour was coming, she knew it. Now was all about preparing for it.

Dad never made it past 3rd rank, and Grandpop surrendered to the damn Turians at Shanxi, leaving him to fall into obscurity in a desk job.

Ashley had yet to meet a Turian, but when that time finally arrived, he/she/_it_ better watch their back.

Gunny's raspy voice boomed over the comm. "MARINES! The purpose of our time here on Titan is for you all to complete Hostile Environment Combat Training, as well as Zero-Gee combat simulations. Assuming any of you pusillanimous pit dogs make it past ground forces you may be placed in perilous situations much like how it is here on Titan."

Ellison started his characteristic pace. "You've all been outfitted with special adaptable combat hard suits. Standard issue for the Alliance. That suit is not just protecting you, it's the reason you're even standing. One perforation in that suit, and forget it, instantaneous death. The atmosphere here, and on many other planets is lethal. And for starters here today you're all to run for 20 minutes. That way you'll experience paced movement in a fully enclosed suit. Now MOVE OUT!"

And without question off they went, trudging through muck and clouds of gas. It's such an alien feeling. Ashley felt like she was floating, with minimal effort from her legs. The others around her are doing cartwheels and flips, despite the fact that Gunny Ellison would probably make them give at least 100 for that. One hundred would probably be child's play with this kind of gravity.

She tried for a sprint, but now it got tougher. Like trying to run underwater.

Not even 10 minutes goes by before Gunny's voice is cracking over the comm. "MARINES! Double back, there's something important coming over the news vids and I want you all to see this!"

_News vids? Since when does Gunny Ellison give a rat's ass about media?_

The unit packed into a small mobile facility set up on the moon's surface and crowded around a small extranet terminal. A new vid came to life on the screen.

It was odd, hearing the newscaster's monotonous voice as scenes of violent and frenzied combat flash on the screen;

"_If you're just tuning in we have exclusive footage from the slaver base on Torfan where the Systems Alliance Military has just hauled in an unprecedented number of slavers, pirates and rogue privateers from the small moon. _

_The violent stand-off, an Alliance-led retaliation for the Skyllian Blitz, lasted nearly 10 hours but has since come to a bloody close; a decisive victory for the Alliance. _

_Unfortunately the raid was a massacre, with at least 15 marines, and 10 civilians confirmed dead. _

_The unit, lead by controversial military leader, Commander Shepard, executed the raid with a small squad yesterday night around 11:00PM Citadel Standard Time. _

_Bystanders have been describing the scene as an absolute bloodbath; with Batarian casualties nearing 30. The unit fought bravely to the death, apparently making certain not one slaver made it out of the base alive. _

_An Alliance surveillance team on Torfan is working with ExoGeni corps to assess the damage done by the raid. _

_As a direct result of the raid, the Batarians have already begun to retreat out of Citadel Space and have issued a statement claiming they will cut diplomatic ties with the Citadel and Citadel races. _

_The Batarian Hegemony is demanding an immediate arrest and tribunal for Commander Shepard. _

_However Alliance sources tell us that Commander Shepard is to be honored later this week for clearing out such a large band of criminals from the Traverse. Successfully securing Citadel trade routes to and from the moon, and it's surrounding colonies once more. _

_Although, several prominent activist groups are calling to boycott the ceremony claiming that Commander Shepard is merely a "butcher who had ruthlessly slaughtered people that surrendered; exhibiting an utter disregard for life." Stay tuned to see this controversial ceremony."_

Gunny Ellison looked perturbed and shook his head. "Oh Joey…dear sweet Joey…How'd I know it'd be you?" He muttered to no one in particular. Though it did not go unheard by Ashley.

Ashley found herself wondering how the heck Gunny knows the Commander. She'd never even seen the Commander's face, left with only numerous tales of incredible courage and gall in the face of danger.

And of course, there was the near constant reminder of Commander Shepard being a relentless thorn in the side of the Alliance Brass. A prime example of who not to be like. But Ashley couldn't help but feel slight awe. Despite all this, the Alliance owed Shepard. The Commander always got the job done. No question.

The rest of the guys are buzzing like bees.

"Shit and I thought I was an asshole, I wouldn't kill people who surrendered!"

"_**15**_ dead Marines?"

"Commander Shepard must be a total badass to pull that off. I hope I don't ever have to serve under that bastard!"

Gunny Ellison still looks shaken up, apparently to the point of defeat. "Fall back marines, take the rest of the day off. Get back on the ship. Reconvene in the mess in 3 hours to talk about this." He turned and headed back.

"Since when is Ellison a freakin' shrink?" One of the privates quips with a scoff.

"They're just Batarians, who gives a damn about those assholes? The galaxy is 30 dead slavers safer now thanks to Shepard!"

"But Shepard also nearly killed the entire unit sent to liberate Torfan! My buddy is stationed near there, and how do I know if he's one of the dead?"

Everyone was left wondering what they would have done in that situation.

Ashley certainly was. Shepard existed as an enigma to her. Perhaps, she figured, one day she'd be able to ask _why_…

* * *

TBC.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect is not mine. If it were...well...you know.


	2. Chapter 2

**London. Present Day. 2186 CE**

* * *

The rifle is quivering underneath her quaking fingers. Veins in her body knotting up tightly.

The vertebrae of her spine are rattling apart like a stack of cards with each gaping stride. Sweat pours from her brow burning her eyes, making the utter chaos around her appear as though the battleground is submerged. The air tastes of salt and gasoline, and each breath she draws feels toxic.

It's Ilos all over again, though this time they're racing on foot, and the Geth are comrades in arms. What a mind trip.

Her legs are pumping furiously, drawing every last ounce of energy left in her already taxed body. It had been nearly two days since she'd had a decent meal, but sustenance takes a back seat in this current situation. They'd been fighting groundside for over 10 hours now.

She'd never been to London before. And she was certain now she'd never want to go back.

The salty taste of blood is flooding the inside of her mouth; bits of molar are stuck in the inside of her cheek. Remnants of fighting through a barrage of husks hurling themselves at her one after another well after her ammo had run out.

The beam. Must reach the beam.

That fucking beam seems to move further away the closer they got to it. Even while sprinting at full speed. She's fighting out in the open, sure, but for all she knew they're in a goddamned tunnel.

A tunnel that leads right into the gaping jaws of the beast.

A beast that is hurtling toward them through the blazing sky.

The Harbinger.

Ready and willing to render it's final judgment.

Four bright lights descended a few clicks away as Harbinger lands hard on the ground, sending a seismic wave outward. The primordial machine let out a guttural roar. The reverberation tears through her chest, wrapping itself around her ribs, constricting the air from out her lungs.

Stumbling a few steps, the rifle skitters from her hand to the ground.

Another roar from Harbinger sends her body sprawling hard into the earth.

CRUNCH. The fine bones of her left hand snap instantly under her weight; the bones of her fingers having bent backwards at an impossible angle.

Adrenaline surged through her veins, quashing the pain. She's on her feet within seconds, surging forward once more. The beam. Have to reach the beam!

All around her a potpourri militia fights. Alliance marines, Krogan warlords, Turian soldiers, Asari commandoes are racing for the beam, ignoring the innumerable abominations that seem to ooze out from their surroundings. Gunshots pepper the ground as she continues.

Only one hundred yards to go.

She swears she's beginning to feel a faint magnetism pulling at her body from the beam itself. Beckoning her and the others to chance it. Just try.

Her heart was swelling. The organ pulsating within the bones of her ribs. Trying to break free.

Soon the Hammer team would ascend to the Citadel. Guns blazing. Take the fight straight to the Reapers. Ready and willing to face whatever it was that awaited them inside. If they had to die, they'd die with glory.

HOORAH! She was ready. Wanting nothing more than for all of this madness to finally come to a close.

But Harbinger opens fire.

And hell, as they say, breaks loose. The shockwave blasts outward, practically disintegrating everything in its path. Her arms fly upward, her body curled into a ball. The gauntlets of her armor can scarcely protect her face from the tempest of shrapnel flying toward her.

Harbinger fires again. And death rains upon the marines with the swiftness of a viper.

To her left, four soldiers are sublimated.

Gore splatters the side of her face as she runs past the crater where the soldiers once stood.

Frantically she scans the field before her. The deadly crimson energy is pulling back toward Harbinger as the ancient machine is rearing back to strike. It bellows with rage. Much, much louder than before, and she could see why.

At the very point of the assault, Commander Shepard is running at full speed. An inhuman speed. Gripping a solitary pistol in her hand as she races effortlessly across the battlefield. Hurdling shrapnel and corpses along the way.

Shepard is nearly at the beam. Maybe less than fifty feet or so.

So close.

Ashley doesn't stop running. Shepard would want her to keep running. Don't fucking stop running.

Harbinger fires a third time, ripping through a speeding Mako like paper. The explosion ripples across the battlefield, knocking everyone down again. The corpse of a freshly killed brute, the flesh still spongy with saturated blood, breaks Ashley's fall.

Flailing her arms and legs, Ashley climbs over the carcass gazing back down at the beam. A scream catches in her throat.

Ashley looks up in horror as the fireball throws Shepard skyward like a rag doll, falling viciously to the ground with a nauseating thud. The residual heat of the blast turns all of Ashley's raining tears instantly to vapor.

Ashley tries to move but weakness overtakes her and her body splays on the ground, limbs deadweight and motionless. The sweltering heat of the fires blisters the skin of her lips and face. Her body is like a sponge being squeezed dry. Eyes now feeling like sandy golf balls wedged painfully inside her skull.

Her legs convulsed, the neural connections seeming severed for the moment. Lack of rest and nutrients taking their toll.

But her brain was screaming to get up. _GET UP_.

To move.

To get to Shepard.

But her muscles betrayed the resolve. They did nothing.

"SHEPAAAAARD!" The word rips from her lungs with volcanic force. "SHEPAAARD! OH GOD SHEPARD!"

The sobs wrack her violently. Harbinger is staying off in the distance looming, like some fucking portentous monolith; still and lifeless.

Shit, Ashley wants to shoot it so badly. Blow it back into the hell from where it came.

But Harbinger pays no attention to her, or her fellow combatant. It too, is transfixed on the smoldering wreckage where Shepard was running, just moments ago.

Fists embed themselves in her hair, tugging at it tightly in rage. Her broken hand pulls, the pain excruciating. Ashley wails Shepard's name once more like a wounded animal.

Hatred and loathing emanate from her as she trains her gaze upon the towering Harbinger in the distance. More abominations appear by its legs, flowing like a hell-spawn faucet some demon neglected to shut off.

Shepard was so close. _They_ were so fucking close. Only to have it halted right at the very end. Furiously she punches at the ground with her broken hand, though by now her rage has deadened the pain.

She sucks in a deep lungful of air and sputters in agony. Her armor is in shambles. The delicate exposed skin beneath is riddled with shards of glass and rock. Blood frothed up with each breath. Her face and neck were blackened with blood and dirt, and the oil slick filth of the unending battle was dripping further downward. Tears left ski tracks through the grime.

_Please Shepard...get up…_Her mind raced. _Skipper…__please..._

"Boldly they rode and well, into the jaws of death, into the mouth of hell." Tennyson's words passed through the Commander's lips mere hours ago in a peaceful whisper.

Meant only for Ashley's ears. The Commander's newfound penchant for poetry was strangely heartwarming to Ashley, but another quotation seemed a bit more apropos:

"War is Hell."

A lone ravager scuttles to her left flank, vein pocked pustules swaying with each step. Nearly concussed, Ashley's head lulls toward it drunkenly upon her shoulders. The creature opens fire, knocking the marine backward, her skull slamming agonizingly on the ground. Stars and comets explode in her vision. Her body slowly twitches and writhes in the dirt.

But the blackness dissipates after only a minute.

Scenes start to projector-flash behind her clamped eyelids. Though soundtracked with the cacophony of war, Ashley knows what's happening. What was _flashing_ before her eyes. Death is drawing near. Though, Ashley figures, she is already in hell.

Damnation_ had_ been in the cards for humanity for 50,000 years.

Harbinger roared. And Ashley's brow furrowed with rage.

Shepard is being ripped away from her. _Again._

Harbinger is trying and Sovereign had tried.

Back when their relationship was only just beginning.

* * *

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**AMATERASU. 2183 CE.**

She was never comfortable with spectacles. _**Especially **_being the center of said spectacle. The email had arrived only a few days ago, and even now Ashley still read it for about the thousandth time on her datapad.

**[YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO ALLIANCE COLONY AMATERASU **

**TO WELCOME HOME _STAR OF TERRA_ RECIPIENT **

**ASHLEY MADELINE WILLIAMS: **

**DAUGHTER OF AMATERASU, A HERO OF THE CITADEL.]**

The words made her heart swell three times over.

_The Star of Terra. Fucking A!_

Her limbs were still quite sore; her left wrist was still in a small brace. A few bruises mottled her body and face. And the nurse at Huerta Memorial removed her rapid-heal leg cast only two days prior. A high velocity flaming piece of Reaper careening at you _can_ cause some fractures. She leaned back in her chair sighing wistfully. She had a few more bumps and cuts but she was perfectly content with just being alive.

Peering down at her traveling companion, she was happy to see that the Commander was still in one piece. Despite appearing to be crushed by ten tons of rubble the Commander walked away from the smoldering council chambers relatively unscathed. Just a few broken ribs and a punctured lung. Shepard merely shrugged it off like a paper cut.

_You're a tough SoB Commander. I'll give you that._ Shepard looked hardly worse for wear.

Shepard's slumbering head lulled forward off of her shoulder, leaving a snail trail of drool down her sleeve. The Commander wasn't kidding when she said she was exhausted from all that had transpired. _**The Battle of the Citadel**_, as the extranet had taken to calling it, had only ended about two weeks ago. Once they had both been discharged from the hospital, Shepard spent most of her time sleeping.

It was ironic. Shepard seemed to be on autopilot throughout the entirety of the mission to take down Saren; always out and about while they tirelessly traversed the whole galaxy. But a simple jump to Amaterasu on a civilian commuter ship had the Commander out cold. Clinging to the Gunnery Chief like a napping child.

Ashley didn't bother to argue, taking the entire flight to Amaterasu in stride, acting as a human pillow for Humanity's first Spectre. And, to Ashley, the _true_ hero of the Citadel.

Carefully maneuvering her bandaged arm around the sleeping Spectre, Ashley rested her chin atop Shepard's head. For the first time in nearly a year Ashley felt at peace.

And it was wonderful.

She was Ashley Madeline Williams. Also known as 'Ash'.

Colony kid, a star-struck marine, perpetually mired in ground garrison and 'crap' assignments. A large military family. Religious, though not terribly so. Blacklisted by the very people she had sworn to serve.

Now they're giving her the Star of Terra.

And sprawled on her lap was Joanna Shepard. Or 'Joey', the gender-neutral nickname affectionately bequeathed on her at Macapa, by a certain Gunny Ellison.

Orphan from Earth, with no record of her family. The _Butcher of Torfan_. A 'damned idol' in Ashley's eyes. As every Officer of the fifth fleet loved to say: 'Cold, calculating, but always gets the job done…'

Their fateful first encounter on Eden Prime was anything but ideal.

Completely focused on her crew's objective, the Commander had nearly left Ashley behind. Though Lieutenant Alenko insisted that Ashley act as their guide, earning her a chance to unleash some payback on the unwelcome robotic company that had slaughtered the 212.

Ashley followed behind, amused by the puppy-dog behavior of the Commander's lieutenant. And the Pandora's box the lieutenant unwittingly opened, getting just a _little _bit too close to a working Prothean beacon.

And when the Commander shoved him out the way in a fit of anger, the gears began turning.

The clanging of boots sounded loudly on the metallic floor of the SSV Normandy. Clawing at Ashley's eardrums. The footsteps carried with a cadence of pure anger. Ashley sucked in a deep breath as she could see the Commander lumbering across the mess, making a beeline for her.

"And just what in the hell do you think you're doing on this ship?" Shepard had grumbled, voice still groggy from 15 hours of being comatose. "I don't remember being told to pick up survivors…that's not my job."

Ashley, close enough to finally get a close look at her new Commander's face, could only scoff in disgust. Sure, the intense woman was pretty Ashley figured, with comical supermodel lips, and jet-black hair pulled into a loose ballerina bun. Though Ashley surmised that Commander Shepard possessed as much grace as a rabid Pitbull. Numerous scars marred the soft skin of Shepard's face, one practically a trench running down the side of her lips.

_Mementos from Torfan?_

"Captain Anderson had me reassigned to the Normandy Commander. Losing Jenkins was tough on the crew…" Ashley had crossed her arms in a self-satisfied gesture, the corner of her lips curled in a sneer. No way she was going to be sassed by her new XO. Suddenly wanting to be overtly uncouth, she gazed down at her fingernails, finding them infinitely more interesting than the increasingly livid Commander. "Good thing it didn't have to be tougher…by losing _you._"

Shepard mirrored Ashley's posture, her own face warping into a deep grimace. "I take it you're not too happy about me surviving the mission." The fine muscles of Shepard's scarred forearms tensed.

An accusatory finger was thrust at the Commander at once. "How do you think I feel? You second guessed my competence the entire time we were down there…you _bitch_."

Before Ashley could inhale to harangue further, Shepard slammed her right forearm hard against Ashley's chest, pushing her viciously into the nearby wall. Ashley blanched as the Commander's left fist smashed into a patch of paneling right next to her head.

The metal was _dented_.

Ashley struggled to break from her grip, but Shepard was steadfast, the arm like a steel beam welded to Ashley. Shepard leaned closer baring her teeth. "I don't give _two shits_ about your feelings." She hissed. "If what I think of your ability is so damned important to you…then, goddamnit Williams _**prove**_ it to me out on the battlefield! Just because we survive one botched mission together, doesn't mean I am suddenly obliged to think you're the ideal marine. What do you want, a pity party?"

The younger woman, rendered dumbstruck, could only blurt a few syllables through trembling lips.

"Pathetic." Shepard spat. "Grow up Williams."

With that Shepard stepped back letting Ashley stagger forward on string bean legs.

Shepard stood resolute, fists pulsating like veiny little human hearts at the sides of her hips. "I'm your new XO marine; prove your worth to me; or I'll make your life a living hell. Don't presume to understand what I've been through and what I've seen in my lifetime. I've been to hell and back, and I am damn well ready to go there again if need be…and you better be too…" With that she stormed away.

Hell had nothing on the Reapers.

Alenko had clapped a supportive hand on the Gunnery Chief's back, a warm smile on his face. "Chewed out by the Commander eh rookie? Happens to all of us."

"Jesus H Christ. What crawled up her ass and died?"

"She's had a really rough life Ash, and well, we're all just used to it. Trying to get through to her is like using a toothpick to chip apart a concrete wall. That's just how she works. She's cold, calculating, but the brass loves her because she gets the job done no matter what the cost." Kaidan ran a hand through his short-cropped hair. "See ya at dinner Chief. Try not to let her get to you."

* * *

Shepard stirred under Ashley's arms. Squirming a little she tried to reposition herself against Ashley. They were due to arrive in Amaterasu within the hour, having already completed all the Relay jump.

With a gentle nudge Ashley woke the Commander, the older woman awakening with a start.

"Mmm are we there yet?" Came the groggy question Ashley knew was coming. The Commander's jaws splayed impossibly wide as she yawned, not unlike how a lioness would.

"Not yet Skipper, but we're close. Probably 10 minutes to the LZ." Ashley grinned. "Sleep well?"

The Commander cracked the vertebrae of her neck loudly. "Yeah…sure could use a rub later though…"

"Good luck with that. Chiropractors are few and far between on Amaterasu." Ashley settled back into her seat. Shepard simply laughed and rolled her shoulders once more, finally rising to her feet.

"That's a shame. Be back in a few, I need to stretch my legs."

As the Commander walked away, Ashley let her eyes ease shut.

And her memories wander…

* * *

That first mission against Saren, though it seemed like it was an eternity ago, had Ashley pitted side-by-side with the Commander innumerable times. Having learned 'not to take shit' a respect gradually bloomed between them. Ashley earned her permanent spot on the shore party. With every flank that was covered, each precision headshot fired, the two soldiers melded on the battlefield.

And Commander Joanna Shepard, the Butcher of Torfan, fascinated her.

Ashley came to admire her CO, almost a little too much for her liking. Never allowing herself to grow too attached to a fellow squad mate was Ashley's MO. She always heeded the advice of her drill instructors.

Ashley even told her sister once; _I hope I never have to decide who lives and who dies. But if I have to, my decision can't be muddled up by magic-sparkly-hearts-and-stars feelings._

But regs had been thrown out of the airlock on the Normandy SR-1.

Especially once the Commander apologized.

Down in the Mako Bay, Ashley whistled to herself as she worked on a few of the crew's pistols.

_These weapons have definitely seen better days. Damn especially the Commander's boomstick. Ugh. Is this a piece of…Varren?_

Her hands come to rest upon the Commander's prized shotgun as footsteps approach.

She turned to salute. "Hello Ma'am. Just cleaning up your mess."

"At ease Williams. I just came down here to apologize." With a small hop, Shepard settled on the end of the workbench.

"Apologize? What for?"

"Shit, I'm not good at this." She cursed under her breath while absently rubbing a hand on the back of her neck. "I'm uh, sorry…for my behavior earlier. It was really…unprofessional of me. Ash, you've…you've been through a lot...and I should've respected that. This whole situation has me completely on edge, and I had to take it out on someone and well, I took it out on you."

_Whoa…what's going on? Is this…compassion? _"Ma'am I—"

A hand held up, fingers spread silenced Ashley. "I…I _know_…that I've got…a bit of a…reputation…and, well, a _temper_."

Ashley scoffed with a overt roll of the eyes. "Uh yeah…you could say that."

Shepard ignored the statement. "-but you didn't let that bother you." She laughed lightly. "Hell, you even called your new XO a bitch. That takes balls. The last guy who called me a bitch, well, I broke his kneecap with that gun you're currently tinkering with. And not by shooting it." Ashley shuddered at the comment and Shepard continued. "I looked at your dossier; you're a good soldier Williams. A damn good one. But beyond that you've also got spark, something we need around here. Things are looking pretty grim, and I'll need all the help I can get."

Ashley can only laugh. "Going soft on me Commander?" Shepard frowned, but Ashley quickly reached over to place a hand on her shoulder.

With a quick squeeze and Shepard gently places one of her own over it. The skin of her hand is rough and calloused; battle hardened from years of wielding weapons. Ashley flinched slightly as Shepard's thumb grazed the top of her hand once. "Don't worry Commander, your secret's safe with me. Things are rough, what're you gonna do? When the political shit-storm on that space station starts to brew, you know I've got your back." Another salute.

Shepard saluted back.

"So uh, don't let the guys know about this, especially Joker. If he knew I went back on bitching someone out he'd never let me hear the end of it. Now, suit up and report to the air lock in fifteen. We're thirty minutes outside the drop point."

"Yes Ma'am." Shepard began to saunter away toward the elevator before Ashley spoke again. "Hey Commander…"

She turned and looked back. "Hmm?"

"Well uh, off the record…I was wondering…how did you deal with all the losses…on Torfan?"

Suddenly tense, the muscles of Shepard's angular jaw twitched. Pondering the topic. Her eyes closed for a moment, a single breath of air drawn. Finally she spoke, "Williams…I'm _still_ dealing with it."

Throughout that first mission, the Commander pushed Ashley in ways she'd never been. Despite the desperation of their circumstances, they always managed to get the job done. And even with _aliens_ by her side.

You don't have to like it or agree with it, Shepard had said, but we're all in this fight together. This goes beyond just humanity. So deal with it.

And Shepard, Ashley came to learn, was _right._

* * *

An idyllic landscape came into view as the ship made to dock at Amaterasu, and Ashley couldn't help but run to the large portside observation deck. The sight of lush cypress trees brought a sense of familiarity flooding back into Ashley. Memories of much happier and more innocent times. Shepard came to stand behind Ashley, pulling the Gunnery Chief tightly against her.

"It looks amazing out there." Shepard said with a dreamy sigh. "Can't wait to finally step off a ship and not immediately be shot at…well…at least I hope there isn't a firing squad waiting for us."

"Speaking of the firing squad, you coming with me to meet Mother Williams? She's gonna love you."

"A bit early to be meeting the parents don't you think? We haven't even had a proper date yet. Although I know we did clear one relationship hurdle that night before Ilos…" Shepard playfully nipped at Ashley's neck.

A furious red blush bloomed on Ashley's face. "Err, well that is to mean..."

"I'm not one for touching family reunions Ash. You know that. I'm here for _you_." Her face disappeared behind the hood of her tattered black N7 sweatshirt. Along with her faded jeans and scuffed boots, the Spectre looked completely unassuming. She donned a pair of sunglasses.

"Jo. You look like a transient."

Shepard shrugged. "Well I don't really have a home, and we're not working now, so I guess I am one."

"Damn if I don't feel overdressed.". Ashley glanced down at her Alliance dress uniform. An officer's cap sat perched atop her gear bag.

"You are. Like a little kid playing dress up Chief."

"Can't wait to change out of this clown suit. Considering I was ground forces not even a few months ago, now they've got me dressed like a damned admiral."

"You look like a natural."

"Ass. No I don't!"

Shepard calmly reached for the band in Ashley's bun, pulling it away, allowing the soft auburn hair to spill over her shoulders. "I'm being serious. You look beautiful." The Spectre gathered the younger woman into her arms hugging her tightly. "Your father would be so proud of you. Seeing you like this, saving the galaxy, receiving the Star of Terra."

"Yeah...he would." A stray tear threatened to fall from her left eye, but Shepard wiped it with the corner of her sleeve. "Where will you be? Can I find you later?"

"Just gonna wander around a little. Clear my head. Maybe I'll take a dip in the ocean. Been hounded by the media so much it'll be nice to just be a nobody for the day. Today, _you're_ the celebrity."

"I want you with me at some point today Shepard. Especially before the ceremony. Need a few pointers on being the guest of honor."

"And I promise we'll be together today. But for now," Shepard kissed Ashley's forehead. "Go be a hero Chief. You earned it."

"You know, I don't think anyone really knows you're here with me Skipper…though…_I'm _glad that you are. Never been all that good at being the center of attention. And though I'm a sucker for poetry, I can't give a speech in front of a crowd."

Standing behind her once again, Shepard's chin came to rest upon Ashley's shoulder, with her arms wrapping around Ashley's slim waist. Both women peered out at the landscape rolling by. Crystal white beaches buffeted the colony, with numerous sailboats and yachts peppering the lucid blue water.

"It's your party Chief. You earned this."

"Yeah. Can't wait to crack open that first brew…but damn if I don't feel guilty."

"Guilty? What for?"

"I…I don't…the Star of Terra? Jo…we all know it should've been yours. And besides what about the Reapers…we know that they're coming."

"C'mon Ash, you know the Alliance doesn't award Spectres. Being the council's first human puppet automatically disqualifies me for it. Besides, who was it that landed that precision kill shot smack dab between Saren's disgusting eyes?" Shepard emphasized with a playful poke of her finger. "Not me. You know I'm a piss-poor shot with a sniper rifle. That kill was all yours Ash."

Ashley felt herself grin like an idiot. "It _was_ pretty satisfying."

The Commander ruffled Ashley's hair. "Now there's the Marine I know. Today is all about you. Enjoy it."

"Sucks Liara couldn't make it though…she was right there with us on the Citadel. Mom would've loved her. She's a total sucker for history and all that boring crap Liara loves."

The Commander chuckled. "Liara's got a few things she said she needed to take care of…we'll see Miss Prothean Expert again soon I'm sure…"

* * *

_Miss Prothean Expert._ Once a perpetual thorn in Ashley's side. On the Normandy, Liara's breathy monotone voice had been like a cancer to her ears. The way she had cozied up to the Commander, always playing coy. It made Ashley sick. Even more so the Commander's strangely lackadaisical tolerance of the scientist's naïveté. In a fit of emotion, Ashley had tried to stop Liara from probing around the Commander's brain upon their first debriefing.

"Commander! We don't even know where her allegiances lie! I can't just idly sit here, while you're just going to let her…_brain rape_ you?" She shouted. Liara gives the look of someone whose puppy was just maimed. "Are you nuts!"

Liara interjects, albeit weakly. "The Protheans have been my life's work and I might be able to interpret this vision, please…the commander has been touched by working prothean technology. Don't you see how amazing of an opportunity this is!" She smiles at the commander. "You must possess such an incredible strength Commander Shepard. Prothean technology, such as that beacon you said you encountered on Eden Prime would have utterly destroyed a lesser mind…" Her voice is breathy…and almost flirtatious.

Ashley frowned at her and cut in between her and Shepard. "You've got some nerve, we rescue you, bring you on our ship and already you're hard at work gathering Intel for the enemy! Next thing we know, you'll have Saren boarding us too—"

"THAT'S _ENOUGH_!" Shepard snaps and promptly had her dismissed. Ashley had wanted to feel anger, since it was a much more productive emotion, but instead she felt a pang of jealousy. Like her teenaged sister being scorned by a high school boyfriend. Utterly foolish.

And that same evening, when the Commander made her rounds, Ashley voiced her apprehension.

"That's not insubordination I hear is it?"

"No…ma'am…"

"Dismissed…Chief."

"Ma'am."

Garrus walked over not a minute later.

"Don't worry Ash, you weren't the only one who found the Commander's behavior strange." He said.

Ashley rolled her eyes. "I can just hear her now 'Just give Miss Prothean Expert time.' _Blah blah blah."_

"Williams…" His mandibles twitched before he continued, "…give the Commander time."

That same evening Ashley had deliberately missed the evening meal and was forced to settle on an MRE.

But Ashley welcomed the solitude, after her outburst, she didn't want the hassle of dealing with anyone.

Though her reverie was broken by the hiss of a nearby door opening to the right and followed by the ever-increasing voices of both Shepard and Kaidan.

"Consider the alternative Shepard; she sells us out to Benezia, what then? What if Williams is right?"

"I don't know Alenko. The girl doesn't seem to have a mean bone anywhere in her body! You'll just have to trust me on this one OK? She says she hasn't seen or spoken to her mother in decades, and to be honest, I think she's the type who couldn't lie her way out of a damn paper bag. But that aside, we need someone well versed in Prothean technology. This vision, implanted in my damn skull from that damn beacon has something to do with this mess we've found ourselves in. If putting a fucking gun to her head is the only way to keep her in line then so be it."

"I just—" Kaiden placed his hands tenderly on her shoulders. "I just don't want to see you get hurt Shepard. That's all." Heat grew in Ashley's chest at the sight of the gesture.

She choked on her food.

_The LT and the Commander? Holy crap! _

Quickly, shoveling the rest of the gruel into her mouth and Ashley hopped up to nimble feet dashing for the cockpit, just narrowly avoiding detection.

"Whoa! Where's the fire!" Laughs Joker as Ashley barreled into the cockpit and hopped into the copilot's chair.

"Shut up. Hey, how long has the LT been interested in the Commander?" The words heaved out in one long breath. Joker gave a strange look before breaking out in a ridiculous smile.

"Why? Are you…_jealous?" _

Her heart leapt into her throat.

"What! No! No! No! I just…uh…isn't that against regs?" She blurted out.

_Am I jealous?_

"You're the Marine Ash. Me? I'm just the pilot." Joker relaxes into his chair. "And as such I take no responsibility for the actions of my peers. I only observe."

With the flick of a switch a security feed sparks to life on one of the consoles. Kaiden could be seen cornering the Commander near his workstation. Shepard stood confidently with her arms crossed on her chest nodding every now and then as Kaidan talked to her.

"You have access to surveillance! Jeff, this is insane!"

"Calm down Ash I've only got feeds from the mess, the bridge and the Mako bay. Since I've got twigs for bones, I use this system to keep in contact with people on the fly. However it's definitely enough to pick up on juicy scuttlebutt! And our dear Lieutenant has been sweating the Commander for weeks now. He'll try and deny it up and down but he's as subtle as a flying Krogan."

Ashley swallowed hard. "Has anything…you know…_happened_ between them?"

"Nah. At least as far as I know. Though she hasn't really shot him down yet. She just sort of…brushes him off. I've got a bet running with some of the guys down in maintenance to see how long it takes for him to finally get the hint."

Ashley laughed. "So she's just leading him on? Now that's gotta be against some sort of regs." A part of Ash really felt bad for the guy, but on the inside she was grinning like an idiot…and little did Ashley realize that huge toothy grin was right in front of Joker.

"You women are all alike! You just want to see us suffer!"

"Can it flyboy. Come on. Admit it. You're getting a kick out of this too aren't you?"

He shrugged. "Yep. Totally am. I think the Commander just likes the attention. That's how they say those Earth-born women are. The harpies."

"Wait a minute, Shepard's from Earth?"

"Yeah you didn't know that?"

"Well I haven't really been on this tin can for long."

"Hey! Don't call my baby a tin can!"

"Oh stop it. And well, I haven't really had a chance to sit down with Shepard and uh, I kinda pissed her off earlier when we were in the debriefing."

Joker raised an assuming eyebrow. "Ahhh, Liara T'Soni, Miss Prothean Expert yes?"

"Yes." Ashley said through gritted teeth. "I guess I just assumed the Skipper was a military kid, like me."

"And me too! I spent my more formidable years on Arcturus…" He trails off as he looks at my just get to the point face. "Well our dear Joanna Shepard was born and raised an orphan in the slums of New York City, on our dear mother-world, that overly polluted rock called Earth."

Ashley's heart abruptly sank at the revelation. "An orphan?"

"Yeah…or so I hear. No family…grew up dirt poor. She ran with gangs too apparently. Pretty badass Commander we have here huh? A reeeeal upstanding member of the community. Takes a lot to earn the title of Butcher simultaneously upon being promoted to Commander."

Ashley was too busy concentrating on the word 'orphan' echoing over and over in her head.

_Shepard has no family? _"That's so…awful."

Jeff uncomfortably rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. Apparently this is a sore subject. "Since you're new and all; and this probably goes with out saying but, the topic of family…a big no-no in front of the Commander."

"Really?"

"Yeah a very, VERY sore subject. Some of us learned the hard way. More specifically Jenkins…rest his soul."

Ash could only nod. "She _does_ seem to have a short fuse."

"Makes you wonder why the Commander tries so hard. She's really got nothing worth fighting for. No family, and from what I can tell she isn't all that good at keeping friends."

"And she doesn't let anyone in either." Said Ashley, watching the Commander pace on screen.

"Nope. Never."

* * *

The Ceremony was the most intense hour of Ashley's life thus far. She didn't like the spotlight. Let alone several of them at once.

_I'd seriously rather fight Sovereign again. For real._

Hackett had closed the distance to the podium in only three powerful strides. The sound of his footsteps were swallowed entirely by the cacophony of onlookers that currently packed the outdoor amphitheater. All spot lights were trained upon the small stage, and to Ashley, it felt as though the sun itself had just wedged its girth beneath the roof of the amphitheater.

Hackett gave a small wave to calm the crowds before audibly clearing his throat.

"Welcome, welcome everyone! Hmm, couldn't ask for more perfect weather huh? Perfect weather as we present the Alliance's highest honor, the Star of Terra, to an extraordinary soldier, Ashley Madeline Williams." Admiral Hackett smiled broadly gripping the podium as the crowd roared in response.

"This is a momentous occasion. Not only have we a _living _recipient of the Star of Terra, but also the first to represent the great colony of Amaterasu. I first learned of Miss Williams after she had bravely fought and survived the Geth attack on Eden Prime. Having seen her prowess in battle my colleague Captain David Anderson agreed that she'd be a perfect fit to serve on the SSV Normandy. A ship that many of you recognize as the one to successfully lead the assault on Saren and the Geth.

The Star of Terra reflects the deepest gratitude of the human race. We are honored to welcome all of you to this ceremony, as well as several Alliance Officials.

Today we honor an act of pure gallantry in the face of impossible odds. Deep within the belly of the Citadel, a small team infiltrated the presidium tower; a place besieged by Saren and the Geth. The odds of survival were slim at best. What compels such courage? To instill the will to fight to the death so that others may live? Look around.

Family. We are joined today by the Williams family. A family with a decorated past, General Williams who fought in the First Contact War. The roots of Miss Williams' valor are plain to see.

Thanks to such incredible courage and fearlessness the Citadel is safe, and Humanity has finally cemented its position as a Council race. Ashley Williams, it is by the actions of you and your peers that we stand free from the Geth. The service of Miss Williams, and the crew of the Normandy speaks to the very essence of Humanity. No matter the odds, we never stop. We do not quit. She embodies this tenacity…"

On stage Ashley shifted uncomfortably with what felt like a waterfall of nervous sweat poring down her back. The dress uniform was extremely uncomfortable.

The crowd was sitting completely still in revered silence. For her. And she hated every second of it. Her eyes swept across the multitude of faces before finally settling on a figure all the way in the back of the amphitheater. Leaning against a column, an incognito Shepard gave a small thumbs up. A tacit affirmation. And Ashley smiled.

_Thanks Skipper. For believing._

* * *

Ashley stayed with Joker a little while longer that night, cracking jokes about the Alliance and the Council, ripping on crewmates and generally having a good time. Having not had a good laugh since the night before the Geth attack Ash left the cockpit feeling renewed.

Dragging her tired body back toward the sleeper pods Ashley groaned with a crack of her back.

_Some R&R would certainly help my aching legs...but God what I would give for a cot right now. _

The mess is dimly lit as she slowly walked through it toward the pods. There is hardly any sound, as nearly all of the crew is sleeping and Ashley gave a loud yawn and got a solid crack of her spine. As she neared the sleeper pod hallway there was a faint new sound.

_Music? A guitar! _

A slow song with a mellow refrain.

_It's coming from…the Commander's door! Oh man, to knock or not to knock, to knock or not to knock, to knock…what the heck is wrong with you Ash, it's a nice song, she's up, you're up, just talk to her! _

A quick knock was answered by a gruff "Who is it?"

"Uh, it's Ash."

"Door's open."

Ashley hit the door panel and was greeted by the modest captain's quarters.

Shepard was sitting cross-legged on the bed on the far side of the room dressed in only a pair of white shorts and a blue tank top. Without her full hard-suit on, Ashley couldn't help but notice the Commander appeared so diminutive.

Hair in a messy ponytail, still a little damp, most likely from a shower. Around her neck, Shepard's dog tags hovered above her lower chest, and there were a few black tattoos on her upper arms. And upon her lap sat an old mahogany acoustic guitar. Ashley stood glued in the doorway, transfixed by sight of the _Butcher of Torfan_ just sitting there, in a pair of boxer shorts, aimlessly noodling on a guitar.

_She looks…well…amazing. _

"What's up Williams, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." Ashley took a seat at the desk across from her bed, swiveling the office chair around, straddling its backboard. "Just can't sleep. I was heading to the pods when I heard the music, had to investigate. I, uh, liked what I heard. Though I never took you to be the musical type Skipper."

Shepard smiled. "I could say the same about you and your sappy poetry Chief. We've all got things we keep to ourselves." Shepard strummed a few cords in response. Her fingers moved seamlessly across the frets; the fine muscles of her arms and fingers tensed and relaxed with each movement. "Can't sleep huh? Me neither. I hate those damn pods, always leaves my back so stiff. That's why I have my friend here. Helps me to relax." A few more cords, Shepard deftly picked at the strings.

Ashley rested her head upon her arms, crossed on the backboard of the chair. "I've never actually seen a real guitar before. Seen 'em in vids and in history books. They're pretty rare out on the colonies."

"I found this one on Earth when I was a kid. Had it ever since. Keeps my head on straight you know?"

"What song were you playing before? It, uh, sounded familiar."

Shepard smiled softly as she plucks out the opening licks to the song heard in the mess. "'While my Guitar Gently Weeps.' One of my favorite classical songs, over 200 years old. It means a lot to me…" And Shepard continued to play, peppering the song with expressive string bends and vibrato; reflecting a skill that took years to temper.

Never did Ashley once imagine that such a soft side existed to the Commander. In that moment she almost felt witness to something sacred. After a minute or two into the song Shepard started singing quietly,_ 'I look at the World and I notice it's turning. While my guitar gently weeps. With every mistake we must surely be learning. Still my guitar gently weeps.' _

Cutting short, she gently placed the guitar at her side and cracked the knuckles of her hands, snapping Ashley out of a daze. "I love it. Always a challenge nailing that second solo. What'd you think?"

_Say something! _

"You're beauti—uh, it's beautiful! The song, it's beautiful! I'd, uh, love to hear the whole thing sometime!"

_Oh God, Ash, open mouth, insert foot. _ Her heart pounded against her rib cage, begging to escape.

But Shepard only gave sad smile. "Thanks Ash. All the shit I put you through, I expected more of a harsh criticism from you. I don't really have the best voice."

_Whew…dodged that bullet…well at least I hope I did. _

"Oh, about my outburst earlier…Sorry about that skipper, I should've respected your decision to trust Miss Prothean Expert…"

Shepard stopped her. "You were speaking from your heart Ash. I know you care deeply about our safety and the success of the mission. I want to see you succeed just as much as you want to, and Liara can help us with this; and she wants to. She wants nothing to do with Saren or Benezia and wants to see them brought to justice just as we do. I want you to trust me and my decisions during this mission. Your opinions matter to me Ash; all of the opinions of my crew does, just come to me and tell me. No need for the outbursts."

"I'm just…" Ashley began.

"What?"

Ashley stood and paced. "I'm just…frustrated. This is an Alliance vessel…a _human_ ship. And well, I want to do the Williams clan a good one. After Captain Anderson reassigned me, I felt like I finally made it you know? The best and brightest of the Alliance, blah, blah, blah." Ashley turned to look her dead in the eyes. "Captain Anderson, you, you're both…practically my idols. Finally doing dad and Grandpop proud…I do trust you, but…turians, krogan, asari…almost seems like a cruel joke."

"Williams, our mission goes beyond the human race you know that. This involves the whole galaxy. As cliché as it sounds, we're all in this together. You're a Williams, you'll always be a Williams, and as such who gives a shit about what the Alliance brass says? Blacklisted for saving hundreds of lives in the first contact war? Fuck them I say! Any mission I've been on, Torfan included, I perform at my best not to impress some Alliance blowhards but to protect the innocent. To get the job done. That's all that's mattered to me. Prove them wrong Williams, I have faith in you. You've got a whole crew behind you that believes in you."

"Aye-aye ma'am. You say shoot, I say where. You say kiss a turian, I say which cheek?" Forcing the words, Ashley couldn't control the sarcastic roll of her eyes.

"Atta girl. That's why I like you. You don't take bullshit sitting down." Shepard ran a hand through her damp hair and chuckled. "And while we're in here, just call me Joanna."

_Holy._

_Crap._

"Thanks Comm…Joanna. This means a lot to me. More than you know."

Shepard looked down at her open palms, resting in her lap. "I should be the one thanking you. Heh. No one has come to hang out with me in ages. At least not without being told by another officer as a team building exercise."

"With all due respect Skipper, you're kind of scary. You go from zero to bitch in no time flat. Uh, no offense that is to say…"

"Well I _do_ have a rep to protect." They both laughed. "Stop pacing, you're making me nervous." She patted the corner of her bed. "Sit down with me Ash." And immediately Shepard reclined onto her back, propping up on her elbows.

Ashley felt her heart suddenly stop beating. A warmth erupts deep in her gut as she gently sat on the corner furthest away from her.

_Damnit Ash, you need a cold shower—stat._

"So…what's your story Ash."

"My story? Not much to tell I guess. Grew up on Amaterasu, big catholic military family. Three younger sisters; Abby, Lynn and Sarah; mom and I practically raised them all since dad was always being put on active duty. Grandpa bears the distinct honor of being the first human to surrender to alien forces, and because of that Dad never made it past Serviceman third class, and myself? Enlisted immediately after high school hoping to climb my way up, but thanks to the Williams name, I've been stuck with rear garrison and crap assignments; though the brass claims it's because I lack the social skills to interact with civilians properly...bastards."

"Sounds like a lot to me. Your family must be close." Shepard gave a genuine smile and Ashley's breath catches in her throat at the sight.

"Heh, guess so! What about you? Got any family back on Earth?" Immediately regretting the question, Ashley heard Joker's words of warning echoing in her ears. But the Commander said nothing, her jaws set tightly.

_Good job Williams, finally getting to know her, and you go and break cardinal rule number one._

The silence was deafening. And the apology brewing in Ashley's throat. But Shepard looked up, her eyes locking with Ashley's.

"I…I never knew my family. My parents abandoned me. I grew up in an orphanage in New York City."

"I heard New York's an incredible place!" Williams blurted.

"It is, but I wouldn't exactly call my old neighborhood incredible. The financial district turned into a damn slum after years of corruption. Spent the majority of my life in St. Jerome's Home for Unwanted Children."

"That's certainly an…interesting name."

Shepard shrugged. "It's a fitting one. The orphanage barely held itself together, a dilapidated brownstone a block away from the Brooklyn Bridge down on Water Street. Where you could smell the stench of the East River all damn day. And thanks to our location in the slums, hardly any of us were adopted, myself included. Basically, I lived on the streets until I was 18."

"Did you learn anything of your parents at all?" Ashley asked quietly, moving a bit closer to the Commander.

"No. Nothing." Came the terse answer. "Hell I don't even know if _Shepard_ is my real last name."

Ashley thought about her own family. _Abby. Lynn. Sarah. Mom. Dad. Not having them around…I couldn't even begin to imagine. Shepard doesn't even know who her parents were. _"Doesn't sound like it was easy."

"Heh, no it wasn't." Shepard didn't look up.

"But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Must've had quite the resolve to get out of there huh Skipper?" Ashley offered.

_This is rapidly turning into the most depressing conversation I've never ever wanted to have._

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "_Resolve?_"

"You're one of the most decorated soldiers in the Alliance! I mean…clawing your way out of the slums of Earth…has to count for something."

"Ash…I was totally reckless. But mostly I was just angry."

"Angry?"

"Spent my childhood constantly wondering what I did to deserve being alone. Even now, I'm still alone. After a mission ends people have somewhere, _someone_ to return to. Me? I've got myself." Her gaze turns toward the guitar. "Well, and that."

_No one…she really is alone._

"And I'd be damned if someone was going to try and control me with their rules. Growing up I had a few run-ins with the NYPD. Cut school all the time, experimented with drugs and alcohol, hell I even ran with a gang as a teenager."

Eyes growing wide Ashley gaped at Shepard. "A _gang_ skipper? Like a ragtag gang of singing street urchins in oversized clothes?" The joke made her snicker.

"We called ourselves the 10th Street Reds." A small laugh escaped her lips. "We were small time; mostly we stole, roughed some people up and vandalized. We even had turf wars with other kids. Can you believe it? But being part of a gang was more than that; it was a means of survival. So many scumbags awaited us in every alleyway, every street. Each day there was a really good chance that we could die. Had to be strong. School…books…teachers…they never taught me how to survive.

"Years after the fact, I like to convince myself now that I only joined them out of necessity; since through the Reds we were able to get some money to provide food for the other kids at the home. There was never enough to go around, never knew if it'd be a few hours or a couple days between a decent meal. I like to think that my first time actually having a full belly was my first night as a marine. I'll never complain about an MRE."

"Comm—Joanna…I'm so sorry." Edging closer to her Ashley placed a hand on her bare shoulder absently rubbing. Every bone, muscle and tendon under her skin could be felt beneath Ashley's fingers; underneath all of that menacing armor, Shepard is practically emaciated.

_I must outweigh her easily by at least 15 pounds._

"You're lucky to have not grown up on Earth Williams. They're not kidding when they say Earth is a shithole. Everyone with money escaped to the colonies, leaving the rest of us with a crumbling planet. My only way out was through the military."

"Yeah…it's a little surprising. Hearing all of this. You'd think the Military would be the last place a young Joanna Shepard would want to end up."

"I enlisted after some of the Reds killed an innocent Turian. It was the first murder I'd ever witnessed. During a protest of the council's stonewalling of human colonial expansion into the Skyllian Verge, some xenophobes from the Terra Firma party offered us money to create a scene while Newsvids were being filmed. We took it. The _scene _we started turned into a full blown riot and because of that, an innocent Turian tourist lost his life that day."

"Holy shit Commander…"

"Needless to say, Terra Firma got what they wanted. That was the last straw; I realized I was on a path to nowhere. I had no real skills…aside from knowing how to play the guitar. I barely passed my assessment exams. Enlistment was my only ticket out of the slums. I vowed to make a name for myself. Get my life set on the straight and narrow…and maybe one day return to Earth to give a kid from that orphanage the chance I never had."

Ashley swallowed hard at the revelation. "You're so…grounded Skipper, so why the shit storm on Torfan?"

The muscles of the Commander's face grew taught, her lips pursed into a thin line. Just the mentioning of the moon base made Shepard tense. "I was angry Ash, very, very angry. Those slaver assholes deserved what they got, and I don't regret a single minute of it."

Shepard looks crazed. Her intense face stared unswervingly into Ashley's.

"You know why? These scumbag types came by our orphanage. They'd come and snatch away the only family I'd ever had." Her face warped into a furious scowl. "So once I was in their _nest_ on Torfan, I made sure that each and every slaver on that base had either a bullet in their heads or a slit throat…" A single tear rolled down the slope of her face, and Ashley desperately wanted to wipe it away. "I avenged all of my brothers and sisters that they stole away from me." Her voice was now a whisper, the words pained.

At that moment Ashley wanted to reach out with anxious arms and hold her.

_Regs be damned. Religion be damned. I need her, and she needs me. She's pouring her heart out to you, and you're acting like an idiot. Are you even…gay? Shepard's probably in with the LT anyway. Oh God, and Liara wants her too. I have to stop this now before it gets worse; I shouldn't even be here._

Awkwardly, Ashley attempted to make my exit. "Oh man it's almost 2am, and I really shouldn't be dredging up bad memories for you Commander. We'll be at Noveria soon; uh, hope you pick me for shore party. Have a good night Skipper." The words pour from her mouth in a nervous rapid fire.

But she is halted. A hand swiftly grabbed the corner of her shirt. Shepard pulled her back toward the bed and Ashley lost her footing in the process. Falling hard into Shepard's body and the force knocked them both back onto the bed. Shepard doesn't struggle or complain with Ashley's weight pressing her down.

_Oh God, oh sweet Jesus, this is like something out of one of Sarah's bad romance movies!_

Face hovering barely an inch over Shepard's, her breath tickles Ashley's lips.

_She's so close…so agonizingly close. Just hit some turbulence, do an immelmann or something. Come on Joker! _

One of the Commander's hands gently grazed Ashley's right cheek but the tender ministration is just too much for the Gunnery Chief to bear. Leaping to her feet Ashley made a dash for the door, not once turning back to look at Shepard, or to let the Commander see the torrent of tears that were burning her eyes.

_So, so stupid Ash. SO foolish!_

And Ashley suddenly found herself in quite the predicament. And cold detachment was her only solution. Hardly any words other than "aye-aye" and "affirmative" passed between her and the Commander. She just couldn't handle it.

Ashley didn't speak to the Commander once since their little 'encounter'.

Well more appropriately, Ashley avoided the Commander; mostly accomplished by sequestering herself in the Mako bay doing double time on arms maintenance. This avoidance wasn't just to steer clear of embarrassment; it was also to rid Ashley of these feelings.

And Kaiden and Liara's overt behavior around the Commander was only causing the emotional hurricane inside the Gunnery Chief to worsen.

There was always 'something' deep inside her that she felt for the Skipper, though she always figured it to be some form of hero worship…but the nature of that something reared its true ugly head on that fateful night.

_I'm falling for my XO and that has to be in violation of so many regs! _

'Fraternization is WRONG' She could hear Ellison say. 'You don't fall for your fellow troops; it only messes up mission dynamics. When the shit hits the fan and it's either the entire squad or Romeo, who're you going to choose?'

_Oh shit…_

* * *

**A/N:** "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" property of The Beatles.


	4. Chapter 4

**AMATERASU – 2183 CE**

The gravel crunched underneath her boots. No longer were they polished to the point that she could see her reflection. Numerous nervous scuffmarks marred the patent leather shoes, relics of military traditions past, from her legs crossing and uncrossing during the ceremony.

And now that it was over and done with, she stood facing the front path of her childhood home. Inside the small two-story house was the Williams family; her three sisters and her mother. It had been so long since she'd seen them, and had fought a reaper to make sure this chance would come.

With a sharp inhale she approached the front door, not expecting it to be flung open before she could even knock.

* * *

The whoosh of the elevator doors shook Ashley back to reality as the trio of Garrus, Wrex and Shepard had entered the Mako bay. All the while, Shepard's gaze had been honed on Ashley, and she felt her uneasiness mounting. With each step, as Shepard drew nearer, Ashley's gut twisted into a painful knot.

_Gotta do something fast! _

Hurriedly, and with a flourish of fingers on a keyboard, she dialed Sarah's number and prayed repeatedly that the youngest Williams would pick up.

And in a matter of seconds, Sarah William's beaming face appears on screen. "Ash! Holy crap Ash Is that you!"

_Just in time. _

Inwardly Ashley hoped Sarah, and to an extent Shepard, didn't catch the huge sigh she just heaved. "Yeah goober, it's me."

Sarah's grinning face encompassed the entire screen, before she whipped her head to call back. "Hey Ma! Ash is on the line! Get in here!" She redirected herself to Ashley once more. "What's up Sis? We haven't heard from you in a while! How're things going?"

"Pretty good so far! The Normandy's freakin' sweet sis, you'd love this ship. Better than anywhere else I've served before."

Sarah nodded excitedly. "Seriously, what a cool ship! We've been watching the news coverage back home Sis! Everyone keeps asking us about you."

"I'm a-ok, if not a little tired. But the crew of the Normandy is really awesome too Sar. Commander Shep-" Ashley began but Sarah's eager voice cut her off.

"_Especially_ that Kaiden guy. He's cute!"

She blanched for a moment hoping to Whomever that no one heard the teenaged outburst, though Ashley was pretty positive that there was a laugh from a certain Krogan.

"What's he like anyway?"

"Uh…he's nice…I guess." _God I just want to smack that smug face off of Wrex. _"We've been on a couple missions together, along with the Comm-"

"Cut the crap Ash. When are you bringing him back to Amaterasu so we can meet him?"

"Excuse me!" Ashley shook her head. Typical Sarah. "I think you've got the wrong idea here, you know fraternizing is wrong and he's a superior officer." Peering forlornly over her shoulder at Shepard, Ashley swallowed a pang of want. "Besides…he's…not my type." Instantly she realized what had just escaped her lips. Once more left hoping her boot will find it's way into her mouth.

"OK let me rephrase, when are you bringing him back to Amaterasu so that_ I_ can meet him."

_Whew…_

"Haha, you ass. Can I talk to mom real quick, I have to get back to my duties."

"Not a problem, here she is! Love ya Sis! Come home soon!"

"You too!"

"Hello Sweetpea." Mrs. Williams' soft voice came through the speaker. The very sound pushed a few fat tears down the slope of Ashley's cheek.

"Mom…I-I miss you." She trembled. "So much." Reaching with her fingertips she traced to contours of her mother's face upon the screen.

"Oh Sweetpea. I miss you too."

"I know it's probably gonna be a while til I see you again…but I just want you to know that's I'm alright…Hopefully the mission will be over soon. I'm on that first flight to Amaterasu as soon as it's done." Behind her, Shepard's conversation with Garrus drew to a close and she began walking toward the workbench.

"Honey, honey, honey…hush…I'm not worried. You're a Williams, and you know we're a tough bunch. Just be safe out there love." The Commander now stands at the far side of her bench, absently sorting through some of the rifles Ashley worked with earlier. She looked weary.

"Thanks Ma…Are Lynn and Abby ok?" She wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"They send their love and want you to know they miss you very much, but they are doing fine. Classes start up again for Abby next week, and Lynn just started a new internship with an engineering firm." Her mother said brightly.

_I've been away from home for too long. _When Ashley left for basic, Abby and Lynn had just started high school and Sarah was still in elementary school. The three precocious little troublemakers had idolized their eldest sister. "Ma I promise you that when all this is over, Amaterasu's my first stop." The Skipper is even closer now. "Alright, gotta jet ma, gotta get back to my duties. Love you."

"I love you too sweetpea, keep your chin up, but don't be a stranger. Keep us posted. We're rooting for you back home!" Signing off, Ashley shrugged her shoulders and turned to face the Commander for the first time since their _encounter_.

"That was your family wasn't it?" Face devoid of emotion, the Commander's tone was equally stoic. "You look so much like your mother."

"Uh—yep. Just checking in. Haven't seen them in a while." She nervously ran a hand on the back of her neck. "Didn't want them to be worrying about me." She watched as Shepard's lips moved slightly, as though she wanted to say something but there was nothing.

"Gear up, we're heading out in an hour. And be sure to bundle up, Noveria is cold as shit." And with a quick pivot she closed the distance to the elevator promptly.

_After all that, she's still picking me for shore party? I can't believe this._

Twenty minutes later, Ashley walked a few paces behind the Commander, following her to the airlock, fully unprepared for what was waiting for them on Noveria. Ashley didn't know much about this place, save for the fact that it was a hotbed of corruption.

The mission brief was just that; brief.

Find Benezia.

Great, nothing else beyond that, find one lone Asari on an entire planet.

The Commander stood by the airlock, and Ashley continued to keep her distance, not having said more than three words to the Spectre over the past two days.

_But Ashley, as much as you want to deny it, that during those two days, Shepard's been on your mind every waking moment. So many what ifs… Maybe we can get a chance on Noveria to…_

"Sorry I'm late Commander." Every muscle tensed instantly at the sound of _her_ voice. Miss Prothean expert. All hopes of talking with the Commander, suddenly dashed.

"It's alright Liara. Just be prepared."

Liara nods in understanding.

_Is this a joke?_

And once they were in the yawning Port Hanshan, the raging snowstorms outside only made Ashley claustrophobic, as did the nearness of the Commander. Her mind kept returning to that night in the captain's cabin, Shepard being so open, the feeling of her body pressed against Shepard's, and that fleeting graze of a fingertip on Ashley's face.

Shepard and Liara walk side by side a few paces ahead, and Ashley kept close, eyes trained on the ground. Until Shepard peered back over her shoulder.

* * *

Ashley clutched the frosty cold beer in her hand, relishing its cool exterior and bringing the bottle to her lips, the beer made her insides writhe with delight. It had been nearly a year since she had one. And it was a craving she could not quell easily.

On the far side of the yard there was a lone cypress tree and her mothers gazebo, both of which sat mere yards from the waters edge. Hanging on the gazebos railing was an N7 jacket, a red t-shirt and a pair of jeans. A lone pair of sunglasses was perched precariously on the railing as well. And the otherwise tranquil water was swirling underneath.

Ashley braced herself for what she knew she was about to see, taking another sip of beer she was caught by surprise when the gaggle of her sisters approached her. All three watched the gazebo as Ashley did. They all swarmed around her, each armed with a drink in hand.

"Being a loser on your big day Ash?" Abby said with a knowing nudge of her elbow.

"Sure." Ashley said with a laugh. "But still not quite a loser on your level goober."

Lynn squinted her eyes focusing on the small pile of clothes. "Is someone actually...swimming right now? Seems like the whole colony is out drinking in your honor!" All three Williams sisters gasped collectively at what rose out from the water.

Jogging up through the sand toward the gazebo, Shepard emerged dressed only in a black sports bra and black bikini bottoms. Bruised and muscular body glistening wet and dripping, her hair hung like a long black veil along the sides of her hawkish face. Her dog tags clinked against her chest as she jogged further inland. A pang of want clicked inside Ashley's gut, seeing the Commander's body in such a state. Just a few weeks ago, her own hands and lips were exploring every inch of the body before her. Including a jagged scar on the Commander's taut abdomen.

And when the Gunnery Chief inquired as to how said scar was obtained, the Spectre offered a two word explanation: _knife fight._

Ashley wore a dreamy expression and heaved a deep sigh. "I really _should_ go get her a towel...but seeing her try to shake that water off is kinda hilarious. Like a goofy looking puppy dog."

_A sexy puppy dog. **My** sexy puppy dog. Oh God Ash, that sounds so weird!_

Bending forward, Shepard twisted her hair tightly to wring out the water, and flung it back in a long arc to whip out the rest. And Ashley had to stop herself from swooning in front of her sisters.

Lynn squinted, scrutinizing the Commander, before a confused recognition dawned on her face. "Holy..."

"Sis...is that?"

"Commander Joanna Shepard." Ashley nodded warmly. "In the flesh."

Sarah started to laugh. "In her skivvies!"

"Whoa, Shepard's so...small." Abby remarked, squinting to get a better look. "That woman's face was plastered on every single news vid, decked out in that crazy power-armor you guys are always wearing. Whoa, I can't believe we're looking at the Hero of the Citadel. And you...you fought alongside her Ash!"

Shepard hastily threw on her jeans and t-shirt and began to climb a nearby cypress tree. Still a little damp, the shirt clung to her like a second skin. She reached the top of the canopy quickly with what appeared to be little effort.

Sarah beamed at the sight. "For a badass military woman, she's damn good at climbing trees!"

"Why'd she come here?" Lynn asked. "Doesn't she have family?"

"Yeah. Why isn't she with them?" Sarah added.

Ashley gazed at the Commander fondly. Her heart swelling three sizes at the sight. Her mind was currently flooded with images of the Commander's broad smile. "She has a family. Some what...but Shepard's here...to support me."

"But then why didn't we see her at the Ceremony?" Abby probed.

"Shepard is...not very good with crowds."

"So are we just gonna stand around ogling her or will we get a chance to actually meet her?" Lynn urged with a grin.

"Hey Skipper!" Ashley called out. Shepard turned and smiled broadly at the nickname. "C'mere for a second. There's some people I want you to meet!"

* * *

Benezia had crumbled like a rock. _Arrogant bitch. _Ashley wanted to feel sorry for Ms Prothean Expert. Really she did. Living in your parent's constant shadow, only to continue living in that darkness even after they've died. And as much as she hated it, Ashley could relate.

_But shit if I don't feel jealousy too._

While they rode away from Peak 15, Shepard held Liara. Held her while she cried big fat tears that seemed to soak even Shepard's power armor. Big bad Shepard who was so quick to spit it Ashley's face over her own family. The tram moved with the pacing of a quadriplegic Elcor.

Ashley also felt anger. Now that Shepard had gone soft and freed the Rachni too.

_I just want to get back to the Normandy. Just want to sit and listen to Garrus and Wrex shoot the shit for hours on end. Damnit Ashley. Why let yourself get so caught up over your XO? What would Gunny Ellison say?_

Shepard's hands started to make lazy circles between Liara's shoulder blades and Ashley's esophagus quivered, trying to keep down the vomit that threatened to surface. Shepard's eyes met hers and she quickly whipped her head away. Ashley didn't want to look at her. She couldn't.

Ashley barely got in any words other than 'Aye' during the whole mission to Noveria. Even when they were dealing with the bloodsuckers of Port Hanshan, Ashley knew her place. A grunt.

And she played the role well. Shooting where she was told. Covering their flank. Taking out the Rachni one by one.

But that didn't stop Ms Prothean Expert from throwing her two cents in at every possible moment. Shepard almost seemed to just shrug off the little outbursts as endearing, like how a mother would do with their child that butchered some word in an adorable way. Sickening.

And now sitting on this godforsaken tram on this godforsaken planet Ashley couldn't stand watching the two of them. How Liara tries to not so subtly flirt with the Commander. Ashley settled on working on her rifle, hoping that perhaps the menial task will make time go faster. That maybe once she looked up, the Normandy airlock would be waiting.

"Williams."

Shepard's standing right in front of her, arms crossed tightly. Ashley pretends not to hear her.

"Williams." She repeated with force.

Looking up from the rifle she'd been fiddling with and Ashley regarded her with as much enthusiasm as she could muster...very little.

"Ma'am."

"Cat got your tongue? You've been quiet as a church mouse through this whole mission."

"Not one for politics. You know that. I prefer to let my gun do the talking. Didn't want to cause any trouble by opening my mouth. A Williams doesn't do well on the business world Ma'am."

Shepard almost looked hurt by her formality.

_I can't call her Joanna. Can't call her skipper. She can't see how I feel. _

Ashley coughed awkwardly. "At least we got Benezia right? But it sucks we're not that much closer to finding Saren.". Shepard shrugged and turned to look at Liara again. The Asari had her face buried in her hands, weeping softly.

"Yeah...". She said absently smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles in her armor.

Ashley looked back down at her rifle. "Did you talk to her yet? Can't be easy losing your mom...you should go talk to her. I'm fine Ma'am."

Shepard heaved a sigh. "Why are you avoiding me soldier?"

Now hearing Shepard being so formal struck Ashley deep inside. "I'm not avoiding you Ma'am. Didn't know that being chummy with you was part of the job description."

Shepard slammed the wall of the tram with her open hand. Though Ashley was unfazed by the outburst and refused to look at the Commander. "Well I really hope you decide to pull that stick out from your ass soon Williams. You're the only capable human soldier I've got on this stupid mission, and I can't have any issues between us." Shepard hissed through firmly clenched jaws.

That was it, the anger inside turned into a full-fledged inferno. Ashley snapped. "DAMNIT JOANNA THERE IS NO US!"

_Oh shit. _

Shepard gaped at the Gunnery Chief as though she'd been slapped. Shepard scowled and her throat trembled beneath her skin like she was going to yell but instead with a vicious shaking of her head, she returned to Liara's side.

And once they had returned to the Normandy, moving on with their mission, Ashley was no longer picked for the shore party.

Left to work on the guns that would return to her covered in more gore than ever. Sequestered in the Mako bay, Ashley never left the belly of the ship. Since the sleeper pods were so close to the Captain's quarters, Ashley began to sleep in the Mako bay. Curled up inside a nook in the wall, with a spare tarp she found in portside cargo as a blanket.

Then came the dreaming.

Every minute was consumed with thoughts of the Commander. And most disturbingly, Ashley found she enjoyed all of it.

_I just can't talk to her. The success of the mission is too vital to everything. Just gotta keep it strictly professional between us._

But there's Liara. Liara was always lurking right behind the corner. Ashley knew Shepard could sense her ubiquitous presence too. Earlier in the mess they finally had a moments peace, poking at food absently, awkwardly stealing glances at each other. Shepard's jaws twitch under her skin, stuck in thought. And Ashley desperately wanted to know what words were forming under her tongue.

"Shepard..." Liara makes her grand entrance, opting to sit directly across from Shepard. "I have thought more on the beacon's visions…"

And Ashley left. But she knew Shepard's eyes were on her back. Watching Ashley make her escape. And after that, she began to take her meals in the Mako bay.

Wrex was her one companion that was equally as brusque as she.. And oddly to her, she took to the Krogan mercenary, finding a kindred spirit in all that he had endured to end up upon the Normandy. The near monosyllabic conversations that passed between them were just fine in her opinion. His no nonsense opinions were weirdly refreshing.

And Shepard attempted a few more times to speak to Ashley, but she had nothing on Ashley's stalwart determination to rid herself of any connection to the Commander. But Wrex, ever observant, was quick to chastise the young Gunnery Chief for ignoring the hardened soldier.

"Williams."

"Wrex."

"You're not really improving my perception of humanity here. You're acting really pathetic."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Look at you, moping and fretting over someone you won't even let talk to you. Grow up."

_The next person to tell me to 'Grow up.' I swear…_

"Fuck off Wrex. Leave me alone."

"Sure. You seem hell bent on being alone."

"Going stir crazy here. On a ship, with a Commander who has a knack for surrounding herself with nutcases."

"Can't argue with that one. She picked you."

"Ugh! Get off my sack Wrex!" Ashley stormed toward the elevator, riding the hellishly slow contraption to the upper deck. Her stomach was growling painfully within, and she was so annoyed, it only made her hunger more voracious. And upon reaching the mess, she saw Shepard stride across it, tossing a beer can into a nearby trash bin.

Luckily for the Gunnery Chief she went unnoticed, as the Commander disappeared among the sleeper pods. Ashley pocketed a protein bar and a bottle of water before the elevator pinged, with a chorus of footsteps soon after.

_Kaiden AND Liara? What the hell?_

With nimble feet, Ashley rushed toward the med bay, remaining in the doorway, peering down the sleeper hallway.

"Miss Williams." Dr. Chakwas called from her desk. "Is everything alright? Are you sick? Hurt?"

The younger woman didn't turn around, still looking out from her hiding spot. "Oh hey Doc. Just uh, trying to seek shelter from the storm."

"Storm? What ever are you talking about Ashley?" Dr. Chakwas asked.

With a furtive glance Ashley quickly pointed at the duo silently following behind the Commander, who was leisurely making her way to the comm room. Alenko and Liara each walked with their arms tightly knotted, and with equally disgruntled faces. It almost appeared as though they were racing each other.

A toothy grin spread on the Doctor's wizened face. "Ahh I see. The love triangle has finally come full circle eh?"

"It's so ridiculous. God, we'll be landing at Virmire soon, and these two are too busy squabbling over someone that probably has no idea what's going on." Ashley turned and entered the med bay, sitting on top of one of the nearby examination tables. Tearing into the protein bar, she devoured it in three enormous bites.

"Yes, the Commander never mentioned anything about either of them to me. But I have heard things in passing. Liara stays just behind those doors and has asked the Commander to visit her a few times. Surely Alenko has also spent time with the Commander in the mess. Though Shepard is known for keeping to herself. Seems to me that things have reached an impasse."

Ashley said nothing, resisting the overwhelming urge to sprint to the comm room where she knew that Shepard was cornered.

"Ashley?" The Doctor gently probed.

"Alenko and Liara, they're both just so…awkward. I should go in there and help her."

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "What for? At times Shepard may appear socially inept, but I'm quite sure the Commander is capable of dealing with her own affairs." Dr. Chakwas paused for a moment, with a sudden realization blossoming on her face. Accompanying that was a sly smile.

Ashley gaped at the older woman. "What!"

"Unless of course…you want to make that triangle a square." Remarked the Doctor.

Ashley blanched. "Excuse me!"

"It's plain on your face dear. Your breathing is labored, your pupils are dilated. You're even _sweating._ Ashley, tell her how you feel."

"No. This _can't_ be happening." She exhaled sharply. There was a demon in the medbay with her and Dr. Chakwas. One she never, ever expected to have to face down.

"Ashley dear, calm down for a moment. What they're doing, being confrontational, you're right, it is wrong. But so is bottling up how you feel inside. So many what-ifs will only hurt you more in the long run. This will pass you by, and you'll be stuck never knowing what could have been."

"But Doc...I...she's a woman." The words were quiet. And deliberate. "And I'm a woman."

"Yes I can see that. You know Ashley, I _did_ go to medical school. And I passed A&P with flying colors. So why is the Commander's gender a problem?"

"It's...not normal." The idea just wouldn't leave her mind.

"Alright, well then, Ashley are you gay?"

_Gay._ A three-letter word that hit like a punch to the gut.

"Oh God Doc. I don't know." Hands at once rose to her temples, rubbing feverishly for a minute. The Doctor walked toward the young Gunnery Chief and pulled her into a hug. Ashley shivered and returned the gesture, relishing a motherly embrace; something she hadn't felt in a very long time. "I guess I don't want to be pigeonholed into a label or role I don't understand. I guess I can see past Shepard's gender. I..I think she's beautiful. But I ruined things Doc. It all scares the shit out of me."

Dr. Chakwas leaned back, holding the Gunnery Chief at arms length with a broad "Well, there's no time like the present. What are you waiting for?"

"Regs! It's against regs Doc!"

"That doesn't seem to phase _Lieutenant_ Alenko." Each syllable of Alenko's rank was annunciated with emphasis. "Besides, if I recall correctly, Joanna Shepard _is_ a spectre. And Spectre's operate above the rules…Don't they?"

* * *

The front door had held back a barrage of love. Bursting from out of the house, her sisters hugged the air right out of her lungs, nearly knocking her to the floor. Abby. Lynn. Sarah. All three had been standing directly behind the door to her childhood home, anxiously plotting a familial ambush.

Happy tears flowed freely from Ashley's eyes, the feeling of being home so utterly overwhelming. The tears of her sisters, soaked parts of her hair and uniform. The Star of Terra, tucked carefully inside an ornate leather box nearly slipped out of her hand. But if it did, she couldn't care. The love of her family was the superior reward for returning from a mission accomplished.

"Oh sweetpea…you're finally home…with the Star of Terra." From the far end of the hallway Mrs. Williams clutched a handkerchief in trembling hands. The three younger girls backed away from their older sister as their mother approached.

Her mother's hands came to rest on each of Ashley's bruised cheeks and she carefully rotated the Marine's face in each direction. Each bruise, each laceration another sentence in the story of the battle of the Citadel.

The Williams family stood in revered silence for several minutes. Mrs. Williams held her eldest daughter at arms length, studying every feature of the Gunnery Chief's smiling face.

"Ashley Madeline…you're back. And in one piece."

"Yes mom…I promised…I…I'd be back." She said amid tears. "Came close. But you know it takes a lot to stop a Williams."

Like back on Virmire.

* * *

Captain Kirrahe's men were nothing compared to the 212 Ashley had decided. Despite all that had happened on their previous missions, despite everything, Ashley volunteered to join the STG troops. The decision surprised the Commander, who seemed a little despondent to not have Ashley on the shadow team currently infiltrating Saren's base.

Geth shock troopers were bearing down upon them, and Ashley had her back pressed flat against a fragile crate. Each successive shot slowly chipped away at her feeble reprieve from the violence. One of her shield generators had been struck by a stray shot, and she was only operating at half power. Strafing from cover to cover wasn't Ashley's ideal method of battle but she made due with what was dealt to her.

The Salarian Strike team hit hard at the Geth forces, Captain Kirrahe's plan was working perfectly so far. More and more of the synthetic soldiers poured from the base to engage them head on. Shadow team had plenty of room to work. She tried not to think of Shepard. She knew the hardened soldier would simply brush this battle off. That's for sure. Geth? Saren? Krogen Zombies? Child's play. Shepard would emerge, guns blazing. Soon they'd have Saren's forehead in cross hairs, and cratered a moment later. Then they'd be back on the Normandy, mission accomplished, and Joker doling out the victory shots.

"Joker! We need the Normandy inbound now. Drop off the payload in the center of the facility. ASAP!" Shepard's gruff voice crackled over the comm.

"No can do Commander. Can't get within two clicks with those AA guns sniping at us! It's got enough firepower to blow a hole through the hull. I'm a great pilot, but you know I can't exactly fly a ship with a hole in it Commander."

BOOM! One of the massive guns fired behind them. Her skull felt like it was rattling inside her helmet.

"Strike team! _PLEASE _tell me that you can shut those damned guns down!"

"Negative Commander." Captain Kirrahe barked. "We're thinned out enough as it is. Can try to draw Geth forces away from you if you can make it to the control panel."

"Williams! What's your status?"

Ashley peaked over the edge of the crate, bullets whizzed past her visor within seconds. Tactical analysis was it? The situation wasn't good at all. The AA tower stood high up behind them, with an army of synthetics standing between them.

"Captain Kirrahe is right. We're in deep. Wouldn't make it any closer to the tower if we tried. Munitions are low. Lots of casualties. But we'll play decoy for you Commander."

"Roger that. Shadow team is moving to the tower defense grid now. Stay on your heels Williams."

"Aye-aye!"

The Commander moved like a shadow. Even with the lumbering Wrex, she slid into the towers like ooze and the guns fell silent within minutes. The Commander's ruthless efficiency knew no boundaries.

"All right! That's one less thing to worry about!" Came Joker's jovial voice. "Bringing us in!"

Above them, the Normandy swooped down overhead toward the center of the complex, and lowered to deliver its payload.

"Commander, the bomb is in place." Kaiden said.

"Commander!" Ashley yelled. "Commander, can you read me!"

"Williams! I've got a nuke ready to blow this place to hell, why aren't you at the rendezvous point!" The Commander's gruff voice belied a tone of concern. It didn't go unnoticed by Ashley, who was busy trying to swallow down a torrent of emotion.

_Damnit soldier. Not the time to be a girl about this._

"N-n-negative Commander."

Pinned down at the base of the AA tower, Ashley knew her time was up. A soldier's death was in the cards, she wasn't sure if she was ready to face it head on. Gun gripped tightly in hand, she emerged from cover to hold back the hordes of Geth that never seemed to cease coming.

Then Shepard's voice crackled over the comm.

"Williams, I repeat, move toward the rendezvous point. I don't care. Get your ass over here. Normandy is inbound. Repeat Normandy inbound for pick up. Alenko, have you got the bomb rigged?"

"Almost."

Ashley's lips quivered. The situation was growing bleaker by the second. She was out of thermal clips, shields completely blown, and the Geth kept coming. Cowering behind a stack of crates, a fresh pile of Samarian corpses surrounded her, she pushed her comm. Link on. "Negative Commander. It's too intense over here. Too many casualties. Completely surrounded. We'd never make it in time. Stay with the Lieutenant." She swallowed hard, tears beginning to rain from her eyes, mixing with the sweat and blood that smeared her face. "It's…it's b-b-been an honor…C-c-commander."

Ashley wasn't ready to die.

"You still have time! I'll need a few minutes to arm the bomb. Get the Chief and meet me back here."

"Hang tight. We're coming to get you."

It might've been OK. Things may have, for once, worked in her favor. They were going to get through this.

But the Geth thought otherwise.

A dark shadow blanketed the area as an inbound drop-ship threw the proverbial wrench in the plans.

"LT!" Ashley screamed, jumping up from cover. "Geth drop-ship, sitting right over you! Damnit Commander, they're sitting ducks over there!"

Kaiden responded immediately. "Yes! I see them, they're already pouring out! Commander, get Williams and get out of here! I'm making sure this bomb goes off no matter what!"

"The hell you are! Williams, I mean it, move your fucking ass and get to the rendezvous point!"

There was deafening silence over the comm. The rifle in her hand had only ten rounds left.

"Belay that. Shepard…I…I can't. They've got us cornered. Get the LT."

"Bomb is armed." Kaiden interrupted.

_Shit. Shit. Shit!_

"Williams…" Shepard's voice began slowly. "Radio Joker. Tell him to meet us at the AA tower…" The rifle nearly fell out of Ashley's shaking hands.

"I…yes ma'am."

The urge to punch something had never been so virulent inside Ashley Williams. Her eyes burned under her eyelids, the hot angry tears never stopping for a moment. None of it made sense to her. None.

"'You exist because we allow it…and you will end because we demand it.', the damn thing talked to Shepard. There's an army of these things Williams. An _army._" Wrex had relayed to her. Wrex, whom Shepard had nearly gunned down on the beach, looked shaken if it were at all possible for a Krogan to appear so. He strode away from her into the shadows, seeking the solitude as the weight of their mission just became that much heavier.

Now Alenko was gone. They were mutineers. And Shepard chose her. There was a Reaper. A goddamned Reaper, hell bent on calling its demonic brethren back to the Galaxy. And Shepard chose her to help stop it.

Her. A grunt. She had no biotic powers. No technical savvy. Nor was she a scientist. Just an extra gun.

The elevator opened with a deafening whoosh, revealing an enraged Shepard. Ashley turned her back and hunched over her workbench, hiding her tear-stained face.

"Williams!" Shepard barked from across the room. "So I save your fucking life and you have a _problem_ with my decision! You know you're not to question my orders." When Ashley didn't respond, Shepard strode across the Mako bay, coming to a halt two feet from where Ashley was pacing. Violently the Commander grasped the Marine's shoulder, whipping her around to face the stone faced Shepard. And Ashley couldn't stifle the gasp as she nearly felt her shoulder dislocate under the Commander's grip. Shepard's face was wild-eyed, rabid, and seething. "Soldiers _die_ Williams. You know that. It's part of the fucking job. A job you willingly took."

"Kaiden wasn't just some soldier. He was superior officer Shepard. My God! You sacrificed a _superior officer_. The LT was above me. More experienced than me, more of the crew liked him and you left him to die! It should've been me!" Ashley screamed.

Shepard thrust herself into Ashley's personal space, volume now several decibels above her. A few pistols tumbled to the floor as Ashley's back pressed into her workbench. "_ASHLEY_! HOW MANY TIMES CAN I FUCKING SAY IT! It was _my_ decision to make and _I'm_ giving you another chance Williams. Alenko knew what the consequences were. He died a _hero_ saving our lives. He gets it. Honor that choice Williams! So mind your words."

As the Commander finally backed away, Ashley let herself rest against her workbench, head hung forward, clasped tightly in her hands. "Shit, Commander." Voice quiet. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"Damnit Ash, what's changed with you? At first you're all chummy, quick with scuttlebutt and the like. Next thing I know, you're completely mute. And I know you've been sleeping down here like a vagrant. Do you need Joker to make a pit stop to get you a shrink or something?"

"Sorry about getting upset. I won't question your decisions anymore Ma'am. Don't worry about it." Ashley said, sitting up on her workbench.

The Commander slammed her hands down on the bench to Ashley's side. "But I do! What the hell have_ I_ done to you!"

And for a tense minute Ashley didn't speak, until a bubble of emotion finally burst inside her. With a vicious arc of her fist, Ashley punched the Commander square in the jaw. The meat-slap sound of her knuckles colliding with the Commander's face seemed to endlessly echo through the Mako bay.

Baffled, Shepard brought a hand to her now bleeding nose; the woman's face now a mask of total perplexity. "Ash…what the-"

"You fuck me up!" Ashley screamed, filled with a unexpected vehemence. She gave the Commander a strong shove, knocking the older woman back a few steps. "Why can you blindly trust the aliens and kick me down? I got so much shit for surviving Eden Prime, but Liara gets none of it even though she's related to the damn enemy! Everyone is so quick to think I'm some massive xenophobe bigot but they all seem to ignore your systematic _execution _of 30 Batarians! Then you tried to lure me into your fucking bed. Damnit Shepard. Finally I think I've got you figured out. But no, you have to go all fucking noble, saving the goddamned Rachni and then sacrificing a superior officer for me! _Me._ I'm_** expendable**_! Nothing you say or do makes any sense to me!"

And Shepard immediately retaliated, her face mere inches from Ashley's. Bloodstained teeth were bared. "So what're you going to do about it? Hit me again? _Leave?_ Running away solves nothing, and being a child about things isn't gonna stop the damn Reapers from coming. We're about to go through that fucking Mu Relay with God only knows waiting for us on Ilos…and you want to be an idiot."

At that instant, and with ill timing, Navigator Pressley had entered, feverishly typing on a data pad. "Commander got some trajectories that need approval-"

"NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT!" Ashley shouted, startling Pressley.

The Navigator's eyes flitted back and forth between the bloodied face of the Commander, and the wild looking Gunnery Chief. "OK…I can see that you're busy…" He quickly retreated to the elevator.

It was now Ashley's turn to feel bewilderment as the Commander didn't hit her back.

Shepard turned her back and walked forward a few paces, crossing her arms. Her hands rubbed her arms for warmth before she spoke again in a softer tone, not turning around to face Ashley. "Shit…Williams…_Ash_…Why can't you see that I believe in you? I push you because I know you can take it…you're strong enough to. I…I need that…"

But despite the unexpected weakness of the Commander's words, Ashley found her heart overtaking her mind.

"Commander, it's not meant to be like this! It's…just _wrong_ on so many levels. You're right; I _don't _need my head to be so messed up heading into such a fucked up mission. But you want me to help you save the _Galaxy?_ I could barely save myself back on Virmire, you had to come get me. And now Kirrahe and Kaiden are dead!"

Suddenly Shepard was angry again. "What _the hell _are you talking about!"

"Just…go away Commander." Ashley said, turning her back. "Get out of here. Leave me alone."

"No!" Said the Commander with vitriol. "If you're having some sort of personal issues with me Marine then for fuck's sake you've got to deal with your bullshit before it hits the fan! Damnit Ashley you're the best soldier I've got on this whole damn ship, the only person I can even _remotely_ relate to…and I can't have you acting like a head case this late in the game. But I can't help you unless you tell me what the hell is going on!"

Suddenly Ashley threw her arms around the Commander's shoulders, their lips colliding. Ashley pressed tightly against the Commander's slender body, clinging with the desperation of someone hanging off the edge of a cliff. For a few moments, the Commander seemed paralyzed, but Ashley let herself relax as two gentle hands came to rest upon her hips.

They pulled apart.

"You. You're my problem." With that, Ashley stormed off to the depths of the engineering deck with tears in her eyes. She came to a halt in front of the glowing drive core, leaning forward on the railing. Burying her face in the palms of her hands, Ashley wept. Never had the young Gunnery Chief felt so foolish. All those years of earning the respect of her superiors, learning the ins and outs of countless regulations, clinging to the slim hope of dragging the Williams name out of the muck. And now a childish crush threatened to topple all of that.

She knew that as soon as the Normandy docked somewhere, she'd get left behind.

But to her surprise a pair of strong arms snaked around Ashley's waist.

"You were right." Shepard. Her muscles instantly relaxed in the Commander's gentle embrace and pressing into her back, Shepard placed a tender kiss on the supple skin of her neck. A soft voice breathed into Ashley's ears. "Ash…I'm…sorry."

Ashley remained silent, and after a few minutes Shepard released her hold and started to leave. A implicit understanding.

"Commander wait...I'm sorry too." Ashley spun around to see the Commander leaning against the doorframe, head bent downward. "I...want...I want this...I want to try." A small smile crept on her lips as she took a few steps closer to the other woman. "Please…come back to me."

As Shepard's head lifted to meet Ashley's gaze, she could hardly stifle a gasp at the Commander's newly lachrymose eyes. They glistened in the dim light of the Engineering deck, reflecting a helplessness Ashley wasn't used to seeing. In the short distance from the railing to the door, Shepard _cried_.

Shepard halted her from coming closer. "One thing Chief… there's something I want you to know about Torfan. Something you need to understand about me….and why Kaiden's sacrifice is so important."

Ashley nodded.

Shepard began to approach her slowly. "Did you ever wonder why it was _me_, and not some other soldier who was chosen to lead the assault into the base?"

Ashley shook her head.

Shepard sucked in a deep breath of air through her teeth. "I was part of a platoon that was jokingly known to the Brass as _The Misfits_. We all had the lowest entrance exam scores. Some of us were terminus colony kids. High school dropouts, ex-drug addicts, even a few ex-cons. Basically…my platoon was a group of men and women that society had given up on.

"We had no families, no relatives, and often, no homes to return to either. _I _didn't. You said you were expendable? You don't know the meaning of the word expendable. _**We**__ were expendable_. And the Brass deliberately sent us into a fucking pressure cooker situation, not expecting any of us to survive. Remember _Father _Kyle? That asshole looked me dead in the eye and told me, rescuing the poor captives in the base was a _SECONDARY _objective.

"Just like what went down on Virmire, we were given a bomb to plant, and it was definitely going to go off with all of us still in the base. So I planted it in the lead slavers gut and got the hell out of there. Cutting down anyone that got in our way. The Alliance didn't count on us succeeding." Shepard stepped forward cupping a hand on each of Ashley's shoulders.

"Ashley. _You_ are not expendable. Kaiden was not expendable. No one on this ship is expendable. Though some may think otherwise, I don't work that way. And neither should you think that way. You've more than earned my respect Ash. I admire you. Always saw you to be special. You're a survivor...like me."

Ashley could only nod, allowing herself to be drawn into the Commander's waiting arms. Her cheek came to rest on the top of Shepard's chest, and she could feel that the organ beneath was pounding a mile a minute. Ashley eased her eyes closed, focusing the rhythm suddenly slowing with her proximity.

"I want you groundside with me on Ilos Ash." Shepard kissed the top of her hair. "There's good chance this is a one-way trip but regardless of what could happen…between us…" Another kiss. "…it doesn't affect the mission…" And with a gentle lift of Ashley's chin, Shepard's fuller lips pressed against Ashley's one more time.

Pressing their foreheads together, Ashley let out a relieved breath. "Wouldn't have it any other way Skipper…" And their lips met with an unspoken promise.

"Join me in my cabin later?"

"Definitely. But uh…no hard feelings right? About you know…" Ashley pantomimed her fist hitting Shepard's nose.

"No…but shit Chief, you do have a damn strong right hook."

Two hours later, Ashley stood at the door to the Captain's cabin. Heart jackhammering inside her rib cage. Quaking fingers pressed the console allowing her entrance to the dimly lit room. The Commander sat at her desk, her face illuminated by the eerie orange glow of her console.

Ashley cleared her throat, hoping that her own sweating couldn't be seen reflected in the console's light. "Skipper…" She said softly.

The Commander turned around slowly, her hair hanging loosely around her face, draped down her shoulders. And a pang of sadness gripped the young Gunnery Chief, for Shepard looked so…tired.

"Don't you think we're past titles?"

"You'll always be the Skipper to me. O captain, my captain." Whitman's words seemed the fitting choice, and she watched the Commander's lips curl into a sad smile. Her hand reached out to cup Shepard's angular face, and the older woman pressed into the warm palm.

"I love that poetry crap." Shepard snorted. "So damn cute."

"Well, I never said I was a word person Shepard. You know that." Ashley whispered, taking another step closer. Her breasts were pressed up against Shepard's. Heat passed between them before Ashley spoke again. "Other people say what I mean better than I do."

"Suppose that I've got the same problem." Shepard's voice approached the same hushed whisper as Ashley. "Now that we're mutineers, with both the Council and the Alliance calling us rogues. And I've got to explain to everyone on board that…well…I really don't know what the hell is about to happen to us. For all I know, I'm leading us to our deaths."

Ashley's thumb grazed the scar that ran across the Commander's lip, surprised to feel the softness of the leathery skin. "Death closes all; but something ere the end, some work of noble note. Not unbecoming men that strove with gods." Cupping both sides of the Commander's face, Ashley became serious. "I believe in you Joanna. You'll get us home. O captain, my captain."

"Ash, believe in _us._"

At this Ashley chuckled, pulling away from the Commander. "God, we're both so corny." She looked up to see that Shepard was giving a goofy shrug in return. A shrug that said _what-else-can-I-say._ "But now, in all seriousness, there's something you need to know." Sucking in a deep breath of air, Ashley took one of the Commander's hands into both of her own, squeezing gently. "Everything we've been through, everything _I've_ been through, has just been so testing. And I've always tried so hard to show everyone else that I'm good enough. That I'm worth something. And no matter what anyone has said to me in response, I was always left feeling that there was something that I could've done better. That they weren't being entirely honest with me. Mostly they're assuaging me; to shut me up, get me back to it." Silence passed between them as tears welled in the younger woman's eyes. "But then there's you. You've pushed me in ways I never have been. At first it made me upset, uncomfortable even. But then when you tell me you believe in me, for the first time, _I _believe in me too. Shepard." She took a step closer. "_Joanna_. You make me feel good enough."

Shepard wrapped her arms around Ashley's waist, bringing her supple lips close to Ashley's ear. And with a quiet voice sang, "The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you."

"Kiss me."

And within seconds Ashley's lips were upon Shepard's; a canopy of stars the backdrop for a night of passion that Ashley would never forget. Clothes were rapidly shed, mouths quick to devour the other, and hands ready to run marathons across the expanse of curves and valleys both woman had been yearning to explore. Their bodies moved as one, and when the Commander moved within her, it gave Ashley a feeling of fullness unlike anything she'd experienced before.

She wouldn't go as far to call it love. Not yet. But once she was groundside on Ilos, gun clasped tightly in her hand, she looked to Shepard with a new understanding. And a new hope that their best adventure was just beginning.

And that night, now _their night_, culminated with Ashley providing the one thing that Commander Shepard had been searching: something worth fighting for.

* * *

Nightfall was peaceful on Amaterasu. A neutral climate allowed for many to still be up and about outside, and Ashley and Joanna were among that group. The celebratory barbeque was still in full swing, but Ashley had started to lead the Commander away. Weaving through the dense trees, fingers tightly entwined, the three pale moons of Amaterasu being their only sources of light.

Ashley had a warm feeling in her gut. Her belly was filled with good food and some frosty cold beer, and now she sought to sate her desire for finally having some alone time with the Commander. Her head rested gently on Shepard's right shoulder as they came to a clearing with a small private beach. Waves gently lapped at the sand, pushing up small shells and rocks from the ocean depths.

Shepard sat first, cross-legged on the soft sand and Ashley lowered herself into the waiting lap, pulling the Spectre's arms seatbelt style across her body.

"So is this the part where you're finally going to ask me out on a date?" Ashley cooed, causing to Shepard grin.

Teeth nipped at her ear lobes. "How about you join me for a swim Chief? Water feels fantastic."

"Mmm...a swim sounds fantastic…but I expect you to behave Commander Grabby Hands." Her tone was teasing, as she playfully kissed Shepard's smirking lips.

"Can't help it." Anxious fingers start to undo the buttons on Ashley's jacket bit by bit. "You're just too adorable in that outfit. It's hard to take you seriously while you're wearing it. Figured that a swim would be an easy excuse to get you out of it."

"Keep thinking like that Skipper and you'll have a hard time keeping me out of your bed tonight."

The buttons of her jacket suddenly remained buttoned, as the Commander stopped to gape at the Gunnery Chief in her lap. "My bed? What happened to _our_ bed?"

Ashley sighed wistfully. She was so careful to avoid this topic. "Mom set up the guest room for you...she doesn't know about us. Neither do my sisters for that matter. I'm not ready to take that step just yet Skipper."

"Wait a minute, I'm confused. Didn't you tell me that you wanted me to meet her not even a few hours ago!" Shepard's voice was starting to climb in volume.

Ashley was quick to calm the woman with a kiss. "Yes. As Commander Shepard, the hero of humanity." Ashley struggled to swallow a nagging lump in her throat. "Not as Joanna Shepard my...um...you know...significant other. I just…I just don't know how to break it to them. That their oldest sis is well…" She couldn't bring herself to say it. And the Commander understood.

"All right Chief. But know I'm not one for keeping secrets..."

"I'm sorry Jo! I know it sounds bad, but I had a pretty religious upbringing!"

"Religious doesn't always mean bigoted Ash."

They remained in silence, watching the waves caress the crystalline sand around them. And a shrill beeping from Shepard, broke that reverie. An email message. Pulling her arm out from around Ashley's waist, Shepard took a few minutes to read the intruding message before heaving a sigh.

"Jo, who's it from?" Ashley said unexpectedly filled with concern. "Jo, talk to me."

"From the brass. Hackett specifically. Seems as though my job isn't finished. My services are needed elsewhere. Clearing out the last pockets of Geth out of the Omega Nebula. Though the fucking council still doesn't want to accept that the Reapers are coming, I guess this as close of a bone as they're gonna throw me. Hackett wants me, Joker and Pressley to take the Normandy."

"What about me?" Ashley probed. "Am I on the order?"

"Hmm. No. They're letting me take our regular gang with us…however..." Shepard leaned closer, her breath hot in Ashley's ear, "I'd never turn down the help."

"But you're not gonna make me sleep in the pods are you Skipper?"

"And have my bed be cold each night? Wouldn't dream of it Chief. So what do you say? We'll have our first official date courtesy of the Geth. Start off the evening with taking out some Geth destroyers, followed by a light meal...maybe I don't know, a chicken parm MRE? Damn I love those. Then perhaps we'll tango with a colossus or two. If the night is _really_ going well, maybe we could even go for a spin in the Mako, mow down some rocket troopers."

"Promise you'll kiss me good night at the pods?"

"Only if you play your cards right Chief." Shepard smiled. "But you better understand soldier, no sex on the first date. Totally against regs."

"Really, _spectre?_"

* * *

**A/N:** Hey guys need a little input. Long story short, if you're reading this/enjoying this, odds are you're like me and are bummed that Bioware didn't include a femshepley romance in ME3. That said, I'm sure there's scenes, or little nuances you'd love to have seen happen between our two heroines in the games. Drop me a PM and let me know of a few. If any of it ends up in a future chapter, I will absolutely credit you for the idea. PLEASE just PM me. Reviews are exactly what they are. Don't use it for this. Thanks a bunch and hope you enjoyed.

**A/N 2:** Lyrics to "Dear Prudence" Property of The Beatles. "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.


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